Trying it God's Way

I am making a major life transformation and the only thing still remaining from my past that I don't want, is the excess weight.

It HAS to go.

I will say, losing weight over 40 is entirely different. I thought they were making it up when they said that, but I'm telling any of you out there nearing forty, if you have excess weight on you, take it off NOW!

But I digress...

Thing is, I refuse to view food as my enemy. I have some very difficult psychological issues with food from growing up hungry, but I know I can over come those as I have in the past and currently they aren't pushing my food and weight issues anyway, so starting from a clean and balanced perspective, I refuse to believe losing weight is some monumental scientific process that can't be comprehended my mere mortals.

I mean seriously, we have elevated weight loss to this pedestal nearing the level of nuclear physics!

We are constantly bombarded with the latest trend, the new fastest way to drop those pounds, the last diet you'll ever need... I'm sick to death of it all.

I understand that we can diet relentlessly, work out until we drop and live in some constant state of denial about what we need, but is that really what's best? I can take pills, or have surgery, or diet like a mad woman and lose the hundred pounds I have to lose, but I can't quite
convince myself that this is the best way possible.

I think that though, yes, once this weight is off, I can finally put this area of my life to rest once and for all because after all I've gone through with weight, it is NOT going back on! Of that I can promise you. However, taking it off is currently at issue.

Earlier this year I took on weight loss again as a focus in my life, but I have gotten stonewalled at every turn. I am down about twenty pounds since the first of the year, something I'm very grateful for, but I have another 100 to lose and staring at that number is making me crazy.

I know I can lose this weight, it's a matter of how that has me in a bit of a tizzy at the moment as none of my past routes are working. The problem for me has come in where God comes in, as always.

For the past month whenever the subject of weight comes up in my prayer or meditation, he's been asking something very specific of me and I've been afraid to do it. This is my general routine with God after all. He asks, I think, that's crazy, that can't be god, and the dance begins.

I tend to live my life very intuitively, or at least I try because when I do, things generally go smoother for me. However, with food... I NEED MY PLANS!!! I need my calories or points counted and I need to have an exercise ritual and I need to worry and fret over every pound I lose or gain!

I MUST HOLD ONTO THESE THINGS LIKE THE LAST LIFE RAFT ON THE TITANIC!!!

Right?

I mean that's how weight loss is done...

[insert tentative sigh or surrender here]

What if I'm wrong on that though?

What if there's another way and what if I've been being told how to effectively live and lose this weight for 2 years now and I've just been too scared to listen?

Every time I stress or fight with my weight, the voice from the deepest part of me simply says just be and the weight will not stay.

You see, the theory is, if I am being true to myself, eating as I have been innately programmed to eat at creation, then the weight won't stay on because I was not created to be an over weight woman. It stands to reason that if I am not naturally over weight, and if I listen to my body's needs and desires and interact with food without fear, then the weight will naturally fall off because my body won't be able to hold onto it any longer.

But what if I do this... and I GAIN weight!?!?!

Yes I already know the answer, try it for a month and see where you are weight wise... it really is that simple and in truth, I was supposed to do that this month but fear really did get the better of me because I have a particular weight goal in mind for July and I'm VERY determined to meet it, but I see God circumventing me and trying to get my attention on this. I think it's at the point now where I have to admit, God's got my weight and I can listen and do it his way, or it will just stay put... and yes I do have that kind of spiritual life. I just went through this with my writing and I'm in the same place with this, trying to hold on too tight when God is saying, Hey, I've got your back here.

See, I believe in a god who is active in my life and he's asked me to lose this weight. He asked me two years ago, this isn't all my idea. While, yes, I want the weight off for many personal reasons, it is god's constant urging that has me focused on it again right now and in my experience when he brings something to me, it's not just about doing it, but how I do it. The path I take to completion matters because of the lessons learned along the way.

So here we are at the end of the month I was supposed to try this... and I didn't.

[Insert second, more sincere, sigh of surrender here.]

What I know for sure is that I will keep circling this endlessly until I try it god's way. Maybe it's just my over active subconscious being pushy, or maybe it's exactly what I say it is, god trying to bring something to me. Either way, I need to deal with this and find out for sure what is true... so for 30 days... that's from now until the end of April, I will eat intuitively. I will not diet. I will not eat from habit. I will not medicate, comfort, or ease boredom with food. I will pay attention to the needs of my body and hunger. I will drink water. I will exercise naturally... I will hope this works lol

Either way, I'll keep a journal of it. I know this isn't something that would work for most people, I think we are too diet programmed from the time we are small to ever let loose of the idea entirely, but I refuse to be in a prison of my own making one more day on this subject. Food and weight will no longer own me. I will reprogram myself and my habits and I will live my life without the fear of chocolate, French fries, or any other type of food!
Wish me luck, I'm really going to need it!